At what age should i have  sex talk with my child ?

As your children get older,  they become curious about their sexuality. They may start giggling about “private parts” or share “dirty ” jokes with their friends. Children at some point have questions about sex and sexuality. As a  parent , you should be ready answer when the time comes.

How to start

Everyday events may give you the chance to talk about sex related topics with your child. For example, you can talk about private parts during bath time. You can also discuss about conception and child-birth when there is a pregnancy or newborn in the family.

Teachable moments happen anywhere in places such as shopping mall, movies or  hospitals. Use them when they happen. You dont need to make a speech . It will help to know what your child already knows. Let her start  with questions to give you an idea how to proceed. Some children may not ask at all because they feel you will be uncomfortable about it. It is important to be very open with your child so that she knows she can ask you any question.

Here are tips to make the sex talk with your child a bit easy.

• try not to appear embarrassed or too serious about a question
• do not giggle when your child asks a question. Dont make  her feel ashamed about her question
• dont use long explanation. Try to be brief as much as possible
• listen to your child’s reaction
• be prepared to repeat yourself
• be honest and use proper names for all body parts
• find out if your child wants to know more

If you are uncomfortable about the sex talk with your child, get a relative, friend or pediatrician to help with it.

Questions to expect

Questions  to expect from your child depends on the child’s age and ability to understand.

Preschoolers

They may have questions such as :

• how did i get into your belly ?
• how did i get out ?
• where do babies come from ?
• why dont girls have a penis ?

18 months to 3 years old :  Your child will start to learn about her body parts. It important to teach the child the proper names for body parts. Making up names will make the child think there is something wrong about the real me. You should also  let the child know which body parts are private such as those covered by bathing suits.

4 to 5 years : The child begins to show interest in basic sexuality. She will begin to ask you questions such as how babies come out . She may want to know why girls have a different body than boys. She may touch her genitals and that of others. This is not about adult  sexual activities. It is out of curiosity.  You can teach your child the right thing to do by setting limits. Let the child know the following :

• curiosity about sexual organs is healthy and natural
• public display of nudity and sexual play is not right
• nobody can touch her genitals and this includes family  and friends. The exceptions are doctors and nurses during a physical exam and her parents when trying to find out the cause of pain in the genitals

School aged children

They may ask you questions such as

• why do girls get a period ?
• why do boys have an erection ?
• why do people have sexual intercourse ?

5 to 7 years : During this time, your  child is learning a lot about getting along with people. She may have complex questions  and may be interested in sexuality among adults. She may try to get some explanations  by herself  or  turn to friends for some answers.

It is crucial to explain sexuality to your child in a healthy way. Lessons she will learn today will stay with her into adulthood.

8 to 9 year olds : At this time your  child knows what is right or wrong. She understand sex is between 2 people who love each other. She may even become interested in how mum and dad fell in love and have questions about love, romance and marriage.

Your child may be going through changes that will prepare her for puberty.  As she becomes more interested about her sexuality, it helps to explain to  her  the importance of delaying sex  until she is much older. You can also talk to her about contraceptives  and  sexually transmitted diseases STD. Be sure she knows how these diseases spread and how to protect herself from them and pregnancy. One of the good life lessons you can give your child is teaching her to be sexually responsible.

You have to know that talking about sex and sexuality gives you the chance to discuss your values and believes with your child.