My son, Brendan, was four years old when his brother, Shayne, was born. I tried to get him ready for the arrival when I was pregnant by letting him help with the preparations, such as helping me decorate Shayne’s new room, and putting his hand on my belly when the baby kicked. Of course, a new child in the family is a life-changing event, and I realized more would need to be done so that Brendan didn’t feel left out. There were steps I took that seemed to help, and things I wished I’d done differently after the boys were older.
I read a lot on the subject of a new sibling. It turned out to be true that having two children was more like having five of them. I ended up waiting until Brendan was old enough to be a little more independent, so that I wasn’t trying to meet the needs of a newborn and a toddler at the same time. I give all the credit in the world to mothers who can do that, but I knew that it would be hard to focus fully on either child if they were so close together in age.
Brendan came to the hospital just hours after Shayne was born. When he arrived, I handed the baby to their father and opened my arms wide with a big smile. Brendan immediately jumped up in bed and cuddled with me for a few minutes before turning his attention to his brother. People were making a big fuss over Shayne, but I still wanted Brendan to know how important he was to our family, too.
When Shayne and I came home from the hospital a few days later, I brought a small present for Brendan and told him it was from his little brother. His eyes lit up, and he kissed Shayne happily on the forehead. That little gesture really touched him and, again, made him feel important.
After a few weeks, the novelty of a new brother in the house began to wear off for Brendan. He started to realize that not only are babies a lot of work, but they also take up a lot of Mommy’s time. I would later catch Brendan in Shayne’s crib and regress in doing things he had already learned. He would jump up on my lap sideways at any given opportunity and want to be rocked. I realized what was going on, fortunately, and I would baby him every now and then so he could experience some of the things I was doing for Shayne.
When the boys were about two and six, I put them together in one room for the next several years. Not because we didn’t have the space, but because I hoped they would grow closer and learn to share with each other. I would catch them giggling and talking when they were supposed to be sleeping, but I didn’t mind a bit. They were bonding and making memories. Of course, when Brendan was about 12, he began to want his own room for privacy. It was hard for Shayne to see his brother go, but he was old enough to enjoy the space to himself after a while.
Brothers For Life
Today, Brendan is 16 years old, and Shayne is 12. They fight like all brothers do, but there’s no denying how close they are. Shayne looks up to Brendan and tries to be like him in everything, which Brendan complains about sometimes, but secretly enjoys. When they do argue, I always tell them that there was a reason I had a second child, that I wanted the boys to be together in the world to always have someone they can relate to and share experiences with. Of course, they roll their eyes, but I believe they know it’s the truth.