I have two little boys aged 2 years old and 9 months old, and I absolutely adore them. I love motherhood. I was born to be a mother, and I believe that most mothers are. But, for most women, the first few weeks of motherhood are very different to how they imagined them to be. Not many mothers share “the truth about having a newborn” with expectant moms. Perhaps they forgot how hard the first few weeks are? Or maybe they are too proud to admit the truth? Most likely they don’t want to cause any additional anxiety to an already anxious expectant mom. As thoughtful as that may be, I do wish that someone had told me what I am going to tell you. I am going to take one for the team and spill the beans. This article is not meant to make you fret, but rather serve as a gentle warning that the first three month are hard. There is no point beating around the bush. However, this article also aims to reassure all the new moms in distress. You are not alone! There are millions of moms worldwide going through exactly the same thing!
Going through changes…
Having a baby means that your life is going to change. You will feel like you have lost your identity, and overnight have become someone that you don’t recognise. You will, at some point, feel completely overwhelmed by the huge responsibility of looking after a newborn. You will feel that all you ever do is feed, wind, and change diapers. You and your new baby need time to adjust. It is incredible how such a big change and lack of routine can throw you in the deep end, even if you are expecting it. But, you will be amazed at how quickly you adapt. By the time your baby is about 4 months old you will be back into the swing of things and start feeling like yourself again.
Milking It…
Be prepared that whether you opt for breastfeeding or bottle feeding, feeding can be a challenge for most moms. Most newborns present with some sort of feeding difficulty. It’s absolutely normal to question yourself. Have they had enough to drink? Are they latching properly? Have I chosen the right formula and bottle brand? It’s a good idea to join a breast feeding/ feeding group or find a breastfeeding consultant. You need support and reassurance from others.
And ill cry if I want to…
Newborns cry. Sometimes for long periods and for no apparent reason. Almost every new mom I know has been in tears over the fact that their baby “won’t stop crying”. You won’t know whether they are hungry, tired, or in pain. You will doubt yourself. You may even start to think they are ill. Don’t panic. It’s normal for babies to cry, screech and scream. It’s the only way they know how to communicate with you. When your baby cries go through the basics… have you tried feeding, winding, or changing a diaper? If those boxes are ticked then baby is more than likely tired and a little over stimulated and just needs a bit of time to settle. As you grow to know your baby you will learn what they are crying for.
Another sleepless night…
You will be sleep deprived. Newborns really do wake every 2-3 hours. By the time you have fed, winded and changed them, it’s almost time for their next feed. Exhaustion is deceiving and can easily make you feel over emotional, confused, and dysfunctional. You really do need to sleep in the day when your baby sleeps. Remember that with each week it really does get easier.
There we go. The truth is out! And it’s not as bad as you thought! I leave with one last thing to say. Enjoy every moment no matter how hard the moment is, because it is only a moment, and soon it will be only a memory.
Tamara Frittella
South Africa