Any mother or pregnant woman will vouch for the fact that a little dignity gets lost somewhere along the way, once you become pregnant! You will cringe as you get stuck in chairs, blush at the millionth person to see your vagina in all it’s glory and you will almost certainly find yourself in some embarrassing situations when desperate for yet another trip to the bathroom.
- “Mummy always wets herself ”
When I was pregnant with my second, I was forever running back and forward to the toilet. I would leave my daughter to play as I shouted “Mummy needs to be quick before she wets herself “. I should have been more careful with my words as my daughter insisted telling family and friends that mummy wets herself all of the time!
2. Atchoooo !
I practically wet myself every time a sneezed throughout my pregnancy. That summer of hay fever certainly was interesting!
3. Are these yours pants?
After many close calls, I started to pack a spare pair of pants in my handbag. I was shopping with my husband one day, when I reached into my bag to get out my phone to take a call. I was talking away to my friend, walking slightly ahead, when my husband tapped me on the shoulder to ask “are these your pants that were on the floor?’
4. Pretty please can I go first?
I know I shouldn’t have felt embarrassed but I used to get so red when I awkwardly asked if I could jump the line at the rest room. I could feel so many eyes on me and I’m sure I looked like a silly schoolgirl.
5. I say she will last ten minutes
The last few weeks of work were a nightmare. I was constantly on long conference calls but always had to sneak off in the middle. It happened so often that my colleagues on the other lines used to take bets on how long I would last!
6. Double Trouble
Unfortunately I had morning sickness right throughout my pregnancy, which also meant that in the later stages I would be trying to stop myself peeing as I was throwing up. I was such a mess at times, it took me forever to get myself sorted. Everybody must have thought I has a constant dodgy stomach.
7. Some for you and some for me
My daughter and I were at the supermarket picking up a few bits. She likes to pile the basket high with all kinds of things but there was one day when it got particularly heavy, as she loudly told me “I am putting in one packet of diapers for me and one for you for when you have an accident “
8. Up Up and aweeeee
At my parents house one evening, my family and I were having so much fun that I suddenly lost all control of my bladder and could feel the pee starting to trickle out. As I tried to stand and move away, it suddenly became clear that I was wetting myself, causing everybody, including me, to laugh even more. I only made it half way up the stairs before it all came gushing out!
9. Maybe that comedy club wasn’t the best choice
Before we had kids me and my husband used to love going to comedy clubs. That soon stopped after uncontrollable laughing and constant trips to the toilet ( including to dry my skirt!) became too much!
10. Mind my Basket
I was grocery shopping alone one day when I was fit to burst. I quickly put down my full basket and ran out out of the shop and into a nearby bathroom. Upon my return, by basket had vanished and when I asked if they had put it away for me, the guard told me that they thought I couldn’t afford to pay for my food so had put it back on the shelves!
11. Movie night
That moment when you have to sit there and stubble to move your legs out of the way so everybody can shuffle past you once the movie had ended. “Why doesn’t she just stand up?”people say, “because I don’t want you to see that big wet patch on my seat, where I peed myself “I say to myself.
12. Do you want one of my diapers, Mummy ?
My toddler was forever walking in on me when I was on the toilet. I was using pads to help with my bladder issues, which my boy must have noticed. As I was reaching for a pad one day, he said “don’t worry mommy, I have saved you one of my diapers “!
13. Sexy!
TMI I know, but there were so many times I had to halt get jiggy with it with my husband as I needed to pee so bad. In the end he used to send me off to the toilet beforehand. Talk about romantic!
14. Dance, Dance, Dance
Now, I like to dance a the best of times so when I am desperate for the toilet at 8 months pregnant a dance is most definitely needed. I think I took it a step too far one day when the supermarket checkout lady asked if I wanted her to call somebody to come and help me. Think she thought I had gone a little crazy.
15. Err, you may want to check your skirt
Now you would think that this would only happen in Friends but oh no, it happened to me too! Desperate to go to the loo mid service, I quickly sneaked off relatively un-noticed, so as not to disturb the rest of the congregation. They definitely noticed my on the way back though. ALL OF ME. In my haste I had tucked my skirt into my pants for all the world and God to see.
16. Watch out for the branch
On a long walk back to the train station after a night out at concert, I was desperate for the toilet. As there were none to be seen, I just had to go and run in a nearby wood and do what a lady has to do when nature calls. All was going well until I used a branch of the tree to help me stand back up the quickly realized it was a bad idea as it then sprung up and hit me in the face. I had a nice big scratch on my forehead, so of course everybody asked how I did it. I just walked into a tree of course!
17. More toilet paper?
I lost count of the amount of times I had to run around to the local store to buy toilet paper, as I hadn’t stocked up on enough at the supermarket. It got to the point where as soon as I walked in the shopkeeper had it ready for me by the time I got to the till. Talk about embarrassing!
18. So, shall we get the sofa steam cleaned before the baby comes?
There were so many times that me and my husband were sat on the sofa to watch something funny on the TV when I would lose total control of my bladder. It’s a good job he loves me and we have enough money to get the sofa cleaned!
19. Oh,no I spilt all my water down on me
I was wishing the ground would swallow me up when I accidentally peed myself whilst sharing a jobs around a friends dinner table. They were quite new friends and I couldn’t possibly tell them had wet myself, so I just ‘accidentally ‘spilled a glass of water right down my crotch. I think I got away with it!
20. I’m not in labour, I just need to pee real bad!
It seems that not everybody is so chivalrous when they see a pregnant lady. After a very long wait in a queue at a local music festival, I quickly went from desperate to full on agony. Clutching my stomach and turning very red, people soon came running up to me. I had to embarrassingly tell them that I wasn’t in labour, I just wished they would let me jump the line.
We hoped these stories made you laugh but not too much for those of you who are currently pregnant!
So, what’s your funniest pregnancy story ?