Surviving Sibling Rivalry
There is nothing quite like the fierce, protective, lifelong bond of sibling love. As they hold hands, skipping ahead of you, on the way to the park, and as you hear them whispering and giggling while they play, you will feel glad they have each other. But what about the days their relationship is less rose-tinted?
Sibling rivalry can be nasty, unpredictable, and, at times, violent.
Five tips to help you survive sibling rivalry:
1. Avoidance is key
The real key to surviving sibling rivalry is to bypass them altogether. You may notice a pattern to the fights, it could be that hunger, tiredness and boredom are playing a part. Try to avoid these factors by intervening with snacks, quiet time or entertainment when you can hear your kids starting to get fed up with each other.
You should try to stay out of things unless you are really needed. Conflict is faced during everyday life, and sibling disagreements may be a way to prepare your child for the future. Observe your children, and see if they can resolve the conflict by themselves. If the fight turns violent or nasty, however, you may need to step in. If a fight has already broken out, it’s important you stay neutral during sibling rivalry. Taking sides is one sure fire way to make the fight worse.
2. Read between the lines
As soon as you walk into the room, you are likely to have both sides of the story shouted in your direction. It’s important to remember that your children are not yet in complete control of their emotions, and may find it difficult to express what they really feel. Instead of reacting to the fight immediately, try to work out what the real cause of the upset was.
3. Identify emotions and empathise
Children are still learning about their emotions, so it is important to identify and discuss emotions during and after conflict. Talk about your children felt and why, and how their behaviour made the other child feel. The best way to teach empathy is to model empathy, so make sure you are empathising with your children while discussing the squabble.
4. Look at the mum in the mirror
Your children are learning how to deal with conflict by watching, and copying, you. Have a think about how you deal with conflict in front of them, are you finding respectful ways to handle disagreements? Think about the way you handle conflicts with them, but also the way you handle conflicts with your partner. Try to devise a coping strategy for handling family conflicts, and make sure you practice what you preach.
5. Make everyone feel valued
Life is busy. You have work, family, friends, commitments, pets, and occasionally you like to pluck your eyebrows. It is important, however, that you spend quality time as a family each week. Getting out for a family adventure in the outdoors on a sunday afternoon can be just the thing for helping everyone to feel connected. It’s also important that you and your partner each spend one-on-one time with each of your children. Missing out on quality time can leave children feeling undervalued and disconnected, and this can cause conflicts within the family.